DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A DOCTOR, PROFESSIONAL, AND SOME OF THE IMAGES IN THIS POST COULD BE TRIGGERING. PLEASE READ RESPONSIBLY. SEE PROFFSSIONAL HELP IF YOU ARE SUFFERING.
After experiencing some life-changing events over the past month, I have decided to re-write my about me section. This is the perfect chance to rewrite the direction my life is steering towards. I don’t want to sit back and pretend to be OK, settle with what I have, or skip out on the opportunity to do great things. In order to be great, you have to overcome it. Overcome the past, overcome the fears, overcome the consequences, overcome the challenge, and embrace who you are. Everyone goes through struggles and it’s what makes us stronger human beings. The strong ones turn those struggles into inspiration for the rest of us. It’s taken me a while to get there, but this is my opportunity to help others. You don’t always have to be a doctor, a cop, or a hero to save a life.
I don’t feel the need to sugar coat many things anymore. Pretending to be happy all the time is just annoying and won’t actually make you happy. I have had a lot of people coming to me with their stories and I don’t think I need to hide behind mine anymore. I’m no longer ashamed.
“My name is Taralynn, and I’m a recovering…anorexic.”
I’m pretty popular around the internet for my weight loss. But, food and fitness have always been a struggle for me. Finding the balance was one of the hardest parts of changing my life around. There are two extremes: being overweight and being underweight. I was both.
When I first started losing weight, I did everything right. I ate healthily, worked out, and went on with my regular day. After losing 60 lbs, the weight was a lot harder to get rid of and the obsession started to form. I was never educated on “how to lose weight”, I only ready things in a magazine or the computer. At first, I focussed on the number on the scale, eating everything sugar-free, working out all day, not eating fat, not eating carbs, counting calories…and the list goes on. It got really unhealthy and addictive. After months of this behavior, I was scary skinny. It wasn’t healthy, but in my “mind” it was. I gave up friends, hid things from my family, and only focussed on being “skinny.” I didn’t even know I was doing it because I thought that’s how I was supposed to live my life. I mean…that’s what every magazine or website said to do!
My mom walked into the bathroom one day before I was getting into the shower and she started to cry, which made me start to cry because right there… I knew I had a problem. When so many people constantly tell you how skinny and amazing you look, it goes to your head and you keep falling deeper into this “disorder”. The more your ribs and bones pop out, the happier you are. I could only find clothes in the kids section that actually fit. I stayed in my bedroom a lot because I was always cold, my liver was starting to shut down from overdosing on diuretics, my skin was always pale, I couldn’t walk half a mile without wanting to faint, and my hair was starting to fall out. My behavior was really off. I started doing things that weren’t normal. It felt like someone else was driving my body and I was just there.I still don’t like to admit it, but wasn’t fooling anyone.
No one will ever understand until they have the disease. I didn’t choose to have it, I didn’t want to be is so much pain, and I didn’t know how to “just stop”. I agreed to seek help after a family intervention. After months of outpatient therapy (I’ll talk about that more later down the road), I was ready to start my new life as the healthy living Taralynn. I gave up all the artificial sweeteners, fat-free foods, and started to focus on being strong! I started eating a healthy diet with protein, vegetables, complex carbs, fresh fruits, and tons of water! Months after being cleared by the doctor, I was given an exercise regime and began to exercise as a way to be healthy instead of counting calories and focussing on a scale. I love the strong muscles in my legs, eating healthy foods, and being friends with my body. It has taken me almost four years to share this story, but I feel as if so many of my readers are struggling every day and need someone to talk to. Don’t be afraid to tell someone and don’t be afraid of recovering. I was so close to dying and never thought I’d be alive to tell anyone this story. I’m not sure why I’m embarrassed to admit it, maybe because it shows a side of weakness but it shows more strength that I beat it. Of course, I have days where I call myself fat or feel guilty for eating pizza, but those are things I’m still working on.
(The healthy Taralynn.)
If you are facing any struggles, never hesitate to email me. Below are some great sites to visit if you feel like you’re experiencing similar behavior.
There is so much more to my story, but I feel like right now, starting small is the way to go.