I’ve come to terms with my body: I will never be skinny.
I was never naturally skinny, the only naturally skinny thing on my body are my boobs. My bones are huge, I’ve had big muscles since I was five years old, and I put on weight eating anything that enters my body, healthy or unhealthy. Over the past five years, I’ve learned what works and what doesn’t. I’m not skinny anymore, but I’m also not fat. I’m just normal me.
I’ve done it all: exercise and diet, only diet, diet pills, water bloat pills, only exercise, starving, starving and exercise, and eating like a completely normal person.
*Exercise and diet worked the best.
*Only dieting worked aright.
*Diet pills did nothing.
*Water bloat pills/laxatives started to shut my liver down.
*Only exercising lasted three days.
*Starving lead to binging and drove me to mental illness
*Starving and exercising put me in a hospital.
*Eating like a normal person made me gain weight.
I’m tired of fighting my body. It’s a constant battle to fight how it wants to look with the way I want it to look. I could sit here and name hundreds of celebrities that I wish to look like, but I will never look like them. I won’t give up on eating healthy, I won’t give up on exercising, I won’t give up on taking care of my healthy, but I will give up on false hope, false imagine, and false goals.
I’m striving to look like people that I will never be. Telling myself I will look like someone if I eat this or do that is just a lie I keep telling myself to validate my actions. I want to look like the best version of myself, not anyone else. I’m going to stop posting “inspo”, or “fitpiration” of other girls. I could eat the same diet, do the same workouts, but I will never look like them. Everyone’s body is different and we forget that sometimes. We just get upset with ourselves when we don’t reach goals or see the results we hoped for.
I love doing other blogger’s workouts and trying their recipes, but I need to keep telling myself that it’s not going to make me like them. Sure someone else’s healthy smoothie will benefit me, and their workouts will make me stronger, but I still need to be realistic.
I’ve been eating healthy and working out for the past three weeks. I am so proud of how strong I’ve been when it comes to temptation. But I have learned a lot about my body during these past weeks and it’s made me feel a little bit better about the way I see myself. I’m spending a lot of time trying to improve, trying to be the best, and be perfect. What I need to be doing is trying to improve the way I see myself, trying to be the best version of myself and trying to be better than I was yesterday.
Life is going to be miserable if I keep setting unrealistic goals, or not accepting my body, or hating the way I look. When I looked into the mirror today, while trying on swim suits, I made a couple of comments to my friend…”gross look at all that cellulite”, “my hips are so freaking fat”, “I’m so pale”, “my arms are flabby”, “if I could only get rid of this stretch mark”, “look at the back fat on me”, and it continued… When I look in the mirror, or at pictures, I only see a negative image of myself. That negative stuff hides the positive stuff. Would it be horribly conceited to just point out the beautiful things on my body instead of the flaws? Why do I feel so forced to point out the things that disgust me. I should be making comments like “wow, I love my hair today”, “I love my freckles”, or “I look pretty good for losing so much weight.” Why is it so easy to sit here and type it, but as soon as I step in front of the mirror, positivity doesn’t want to come out of my mouth. I could say it to someone else, but never myself. Why are we so hard on ourselves?
I don’t want to live with unhappy thoughts about my body anymore. I think it’s been a struggle for so many years that it’s just second nature to me. I want to break the cycle and stop fat shaming myself. I want to say positive things, and be a more positive person when it comes to appearance.
I am proud of how far I have come over the years and want to continue to be healthier minded. I will never be skinny, I will never be perfect, and I will never look like anyone else. I will be healthy, try to be better than yesterday, and try to look like the best version of myself that I can be.
Never say anything you wouldn’t want to hear your daughter say about herself.
We come in different shapes, different sizes, different colors, different heights, and that’s what makes the world beautiful. Imagine if everything in the world was the same color, if all food tasted the same, or if every tree was the same? What a boring world we’d live in.
It’s time to embrace our own beautiful.